Why Losing Your Pet Hurts So F*cking Much

“I’m in more pain from losing my dog than I was when my mother died.”

“I can’t tell anyone how bad I feel without someone saying, ‘But it’s just an animal.’”

“I feel like I’m falling apart and no one gets it.”

I’ve heard this from clients, and I’ve felt it myself. The grief that comes with losing a beloved pet is real. It’s deep. It can bring you to your knees.

These feelings apply no matter what kind of companion you’ve lost—a cat, horse, rabbit, bird, guinea pig, reptile, or any other creature who made a home in your heart. Grief doesn’t measure species. It measures love.

So why does it hurt so much? Why can it feel even more unbearable than the loss of a person?

Let’s talk about it.

They Love Us Without Conditions

For many of us, our pets are the only ones we can truly be ourselves with. No filters, no performance, just us. Your pet didn’t care if you were having a bad hair day or wearing the same stained T-shirt three days in a row. They didn’t care if you were broke, sick, depressed, anxious, hungover, cranky, overweight, or failed a class. They loved us whether we got a promotion or were fired from our job. They don’t care about our skin color, gender, religion or sexual orientation. Your animal companion loved you through every mood, phase, identity, and poor hairstyles.

With our pets, we don’t have to explain, impress, or pretend. They didn’t ask you to change. They just wanted to be near you.

It’s rare to experience that kind of pure, uncomplicated acceptance. When you lose it, you don’t just lose your beloved companion—you lose the one being who saw all of you and loved you just as you are.

Your Life Was Built Around Them

Losing a pet doesn’t just leave an emotional hole. It rips through your routine, your rhythms, your entire day-to-day life.

Consider how much time of your day was spent thinking of your pet, talking to them, worrying about them, cuddling them, feeding them, playing with them, giving them treats, sleeping with them, looking at them, training them, chastising them, taking photos and videos of them, posting on social media about them, laughing at them, telling others stories about them, rushing home to them, scheduling around their potty breaks, examining their poop, googling symptoms, panicking about unusual growths, coughs, tummy issues, taking them to the vet, worrying about how you were going to pay vet bills, buying things for them, cleaning up after them, brushing and bathing them, giving them medication, and so much more. You bought them birthday gifts, got up ten times during your favorite show to let them out and then back in, and rearranged furniture for their comfort. You thought of them constantly…while you were out, while you were eating, while you were trying to sleep.

Your pet was woven into your days in a million small ways. So when they’re gone, nothing feels right.

Grief isn’t just about what we miss emotionally. It’s about the structure of our lives falling apart.

We Often Grieve Alone

When a human dies, there are rituals. There’s a funeral, a memorial, a meal train. People check in. They give you space, but they also check in and show up.

But when a pet dies, you might get a few “I’m so sorry” texts. Maybe a card if you’re lucky. But the casseroles don’t show up. The neighbors don’t organize a remembrance. People move on fast or expect you to.

And even if you do have supportive people around you, they may not fully understand the depth of your grief. They might say things like, “You can get another dog” or “At least it wasn’t your child,” which can make you feel even more isolated.

The truth is, losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a person, and for many it feels even harder. But the world doesn’t always give us permission to grieve that deeply. So we mourn in silence. And that only adds to the pain.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you’re feeling broken, lost, angry, numb, or like the world just doesn’t get it, please know there’s nothing wrong with you. It doesn’t make you a bad person that you’re more devastated over the loss of your pet than the loss of a family member. Instead of questioning what it says about you, try to honor what that grief reveals. It reflects your deep capacity to love. Your beloved pet helped you love that fully, and that is a beautiful gift worth celebrating.

And if you need support from someone who truly understands this kind of loss, I’m here. I offer compassionate, non-judgmental therapy for people navigating the grief of pet loss. Whether you’re drowning in sadness, guilt, or just trying to get through the day, you don’t have to carry it alone.

Reach out. Let’s talk about your pet baby, your love story, your loss story, and what life feels like now.