Managing Pet Loss Grief during the Holidays
The Christmas tree glowed a little brighter when Kissa was here.
The holidays are supposed to bring warm, fuzzy feelings. There are bright lights, decorations, music, and sparkly cards filled with words like Joy and Merry. Social media is packed with photos and videos of people preparing for Christmas. It can feel like the whole world is celebrating. But when you are grieving the loss of a pet, the season feels different. You carry a quiet ache that no one else sees. That contrast makes grief feel heavier. The pressure to be festive or joyful can deepen the loneliness when your heart is missing the one who made your home feel warm and complete. Our grief doesn’t take a vacation break just because it’s the holidays.
I get it. This is my second Christmas without Smidge and Kissa, and even with love and laughter and 16 paws running around my home, there is still a part of me that feels the weight of their absence each day. I feel their loss deeply during this time of year. It’s painful to see their Christmas stockings. Social media memories appear without warning. Photos of holiday mornings with Smidge and Kissa in front of the Christmas tree, videos of Smidge trying to remove the elf ears I put on her, and Kissa snuggled up in her jammies by the fireplace. Those reminders are sweet, but they also sting. They pull me right back to how much I miss them.
Sometimes the people around you may not understand. They might encourage you to celebrate or push you to be cheerful because they want you to feel better. Some people simply do not grasp the deep emotional loss of losing a pet, so they underestimate how painful the holidays can feel. They may not understand that your home is forever changed. That you didn’t just lose your pet. You lost your best friend, your support system, your routine, your identity as your baby’s parent.
If you are grieving a beloved pet this holiday season, I know you’re hurting. You are not alone. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that may help.
Grief is normal, even years later
There is a myth that grief has a finish line. It does not. You can be laughing with family one minute and then crying over an ornament the next. This is how grief works. Love does not vanish. The bond you had with your pet was real and deep. It is natural that the holidays stir up emotions.
There is no rule that says you have to be cheerful all season. Grief shows up because love was there.
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel
You do not have to be festive every minute.
You are allowed to:
cry
smile
remember
talk about them
not talk about them
leave early
stay home
keep traditions
change traditions
Grief is personal. You do not need to explain it to anyone. Your heart knows what it needs.
Grief can bring up other losses
It is common for the grief of losing a pet to stir up older losses. Memories of other pets, family members, or painful times may surface during the holidays. This does not mean you are going backward. It means your heart is trying to make sense of everything it has carried. Be gentle with yourself if more than one kind of sadness shows up.
Create a gentle ritual
Rituals help us connect and honor the love.
Here are simple ideas:
Hang an ornament with their photo
Light a candle and say their name
Donate to a rescue in their memory
Put out their stocking and fill it with notes of love
Display a favorite photo where you can see it
In our home, we talk about Smidge and Kissa. We laugh at their stories. It helps. The love has nowhere to go unless we give it air.
Plan for waves of emotion
The waves of grief do not ask permission. They can appear out of nowhere.
When the wave comes, let it. You can say quietly, even to yourself, “I miss you.” Take a deep breath. Place both hands on your heart for comfort. The wave will pass.
Look for small anchors that soothe you
Grief needs comfort, not pressure.
Helpful anchors might include:
a warm blanket
soft music
a walk outside
time with other pets
talking with someone who understands
sitting in the quiet and breathing
I find comfort in noticing how my other dogs seem to know. They fill the house with energy, and yet sometimes they sit close and simply rest their heads on my lap. Animals are wise that way.
Honor what they gave you
Our pets teach us more than we realize.
They teach us about:
joy
loyalty
living in the moment
unconditional love
Even after they are gone, the lessons remain. The love remains. Saying their names and telling their stories keeps them close.
Grief is the price of deep love. If your heart hurts this season, it is because you loved well.
A final reminder
You can celebrate. You can grieve. You can do both at the same time.
The holidays do not erase your loss. They simply sit beside it. If you feel like you are holding joy in one hand and sadness in the other, that is normal.
You loved your pet every day. You are allowed to miss them every day.
From my heart to yours, I wish you comfort, peace, and gentle moments this holiday season. May the memories of your sweet companion bring warmth as you move through these days.
And to all the dogs I have loved and lost… Lucy, Lola, Smidge, and Kissa…thank you for filling my life and my heart in ways that still shape me today. I carry you with me in every season. You are loved, always.
If this season feels heavy, please know you do not have to handle it on your own. I offer virtual pet loss and grief therapy and would be honored to support you.
