Pause with Your Pet: A Mindfulness Practice for Anticipatory Grief
A sensory-based mindfulness exercise to help you stay grounded and connected with your pet while navigating anticipatory grief.
This photo reminds me what mindfulness really means. It’s being fully present with the ones we love while we have them. I loved staring into Kissa’s soulful eyes, and feeling the deep connection we shared.
Anticipatory grief is the deep ache that surfaces when we know we’ll one day have to say goodbye. It’s a mix of love, fear, sadness, and gratitude that can make even ordinary days feel fragile. We find ourselves watching every movement, memorizing every sound, and wishing time would slow down.
Mindfulness can help during this stage by bringing us back to what is still here instead of what’s coming. It gently grounds us in the present moment so that our time with our pets becomes less about bracing for loss and more about noticing the life still unfolding beside us.
Mindfulness is the simple act of being fully present, noticing what’s happening right now without judgment or distraction. It pulls us out of the spiral of “what ifs” and “should haves” and brings us back to what’s actually in front of us. Mindfulness can help quiet anxious thoughts, slow down racing minds, and deepen our connection to ourselves, to others, and to our pets.
For many of us, our pets are already our greatest teachers in mindfulness because they live fully in each moment without fear of the next. They stretch, nap, sniff, play, and eat with complete attention to what is happening now. Sharing in that presence can bring a surprising sense of calm and peace. The mindfulness exercise below is to be done with your pet. It’s meant to help you slow down, connect, and hold onto the beauty of your everyday moments together.
(If you can’t physically touch your pet because they’ve passed, or for another reason, you can still do this exercise using your imagination. Picture their body, their sounds, their scent, their essence, and your mind will fill in the rest.)
Before you begin, silence your phone, turn off the TV, and take a few slow, deep breaths. Feel your shoulders drop. Let your mind settle into this moment.
Step 1: Sight – Seeing with Fresh Eyes
Start by really looking at your pet. Not the quick glance you give them before rushing out the door, but the kind of gaze that slows time down a little. Notice the unique details of their face and body.
Look closely at your pet’s markings. Maybe there’s a swirl of color you’ve never really noticed, an adorable patch around one eye, or a tiny bit of differently colored fur along the bridge of their nose. Study each of their paws. Are the nails all black, or are some a lighter color? What about the pads—are they smooth or rough, dark or pink, patterned or plain? Gently examine their belly. Do they have little speckles? Take a moment to trace them with your eyes, letting yourself appreciate the details that make your pet one of a kind. Notice how these markings, patterns, and shades are theirs alone.
If your pet is awake, take time to study their eyes. Look deeply into them. Notice the colors, the tiny flecks, the way the light catches in them. Observe the expression there. Do the eyes express curiosity... calm... affection... or maybe a spark of mischief? Let yourself really see them seeing you.
If your pet is sleeping, observe the rise and fall of their chest. Notice the rhythm of their breathing, the twitch of their whiskers, or how their fur moves slightly with each breath. Simply observe without labeling or judging. This is seeing through a lens of curiosity.
Step 2: Touch – Feeling the Texture of Connection
Now, if you’re able, place your hand gently on your pet. Feel the texture of their fur. Is it silky, wiry, coarse, fluffy, or sleek? Move your hand slowly and intentionally. Run it along their back, over their head, or down their tail. Notice the temperature of their body against your skin.
Feel the subtle differences in texture, the softer spots behind the ears, the slightly coarser fur along the spine, the warmth radiating from their belly.
If your pet enjoys it, use this as a slow petting meditation. Each stroke becomes an opportunity to be present. If you can’t touch your pet, imagine what that sensation felt like. Recall the way their fur felt between your fingers, the weight of their head on your lap, and the warmth that stayed long after they moved.
Step 3: Smell – The Familiar Comfort of “Frito Feet”
Close your eyes and take a slow breath in through your nose. What do you notice? Maybe it’s the comforting, earthy smell of your dog’s coat after a nap, the faint hint of shampoo, or yes, that unmistakable “Frito feet” scent so many of us secretly love. Or maybe it’s a reminder that it’s time for their bath.
Our pets have their own distinct smells that tie us to memories. That scent can be grounding, proof of life, love, and presence. If you’re visualizing rather than physically with your pet, picture it instead. Imagine that familiar smell and let it bring a sense of warmth and comfort.
Step 4: Sound – Listening Closely
Now focus on the sounds your pet makes. Are they breathing softly, snoring, or snuffling? You might even notice the deep, satisfying sigh of complete relaxation…the kind that tells you they feel safe and content.
These everyday sounds can become a calming meditation when we listen intentionally. If your pet has passed, remember the little noises they made, the way they yawned, stretched, or grumbled when they wanted attention. When I close my eyes, I can still remember Smidgey’s little throat grunt she’d make when she wanted something. Those sounds still exist in your memory’s library.
Step 5: Presence – Letting Your Pet Lead
As you move through these senses, you may notice your mind wandering. That’s okay. Just return to your pet, this living, breathing being who loves you in their own unique way. Let them be your teacher in presence.
Your pet doesn’t care about your to-do list or the unread emails waiting for you. They simply care that you’re here, right now, together.
If you want to add a final step, sit quietly beside them when you’re done. Notice the steady rhythm of your own breathing and theirs. You might even find the two syncing up, a shared calm that lingers long after the exercise ends.
Why This Practice Matters
Mindfulness with your pet isn’t just a relaxation exercise. It’s a way of deepening your bond and finding peace in moments that might otherwise feel heavy. It can ease the tension of anticipatory grief by keeping your mind where your heart already is, with your pet.
This practice helps store memories more vividly too. When we’re fully present, our brains record more sensory detail. That means when we look back later, we can recall not just how our pets looked, but how they felt, sounded, and smelled.
These are the details that make our memories come alive, long after time has moved on.
Closing Thought
Our pets teach us mindfulness every day simply by being. They remind us that life’s meaning is often found in ordinary moments, the head resting on your knee, the soft snore from across the room, the wag of a tail greeting you after a long day.
So take a few moments today to notice, breathe, and be with your pet. It’s not about doing it perfectly; it’s about showing up fully. They already do that for you, every single day.
If you’re struggling with anticipatory grief or finding it hard to stay grounded during this stage, please know you don’t have to navigate it alone. I help individuals and families cope with the emotions that come before and after a loss.
